Brokering a ceasefire
Diffuse your domestic battles one compromise at a time
The Kitchen Cold War
Storytime: I live with a Bob-the-builder type. This means I get new light fixtures, DIY home repairs and even (super safe – I mean, he is an electrical engineer) electrical work done without having to pay a call-out fee.
However, this also means that I have the remnants of his home projects lying around for days, weeks, EVEN MONTHS after completion.
In our household this led to the Kitchen Cold War. Yes, I was thankful for the perfectly installed brand new oven and the beautifully crafted microwave-cubby with the wooden trim, as well as the replacement light bulbs, hand made spice rack and mounted power strips…Yes. Privileged, I know. BUT – I also had to deal with the drill, jigsaw, bags of nails and screws, little bits of wire and tiny electrical components scattered around the kitchen. Leave this as is, and I stood the risk of serving up a screw infused salad to my guests. Clean it up and it wouldn’t be two hours or suddenly my DIY guy would be asking: “Did you see that (tiny spare part) for the (bigger appliance) that I left there (points at a space next to the coffee machine)?”
Our demilitarised zone: The Inside Toolbox
After the third nuclear standoff between Mr DIY (him), and Mrs Clean-it-up (me), we reached an agreement. Our ceasefire was based upon the creation of a demilitarised zone. This DMZ took the shape of an “inside toolbox”. This was an old-fashioned television cabinet from the days when TV’s were the size of boulders, which I cleared out and handed over to him. Here he could keep his power tools, parts and spares as well as any unfinished projects that weren’t meant for the garage or workshop. This cupboard is large, with both drawers and swing doors and there is space for the remnants of many a household upgrade.
This made him happy, and it fulfilled my cleaning fantasy by allowing me to simply dump his bits and bobs into it and close the doors on the mess.
Lessons learnt: Living together is about compromise.
We often take our space for granted. Only once you move in with another human do you realise how touchy we can be about it. If you plan on making a life with someone, sharing that space and reaching respectful compromises is a must.
1. Flexibility is key.
The moment I made space for his stuff, he actually started cleaning up after himself. No amount of yelling or silent treatment could have achieved what the DMZ – inside toolbox achieved.
2. Learn to live with it.
I am not saying you should settle, but you can learn to co-exist peacefully with a loved on. As much as your styles or hobbies might differ, you have one thing in common – a deep caring for each other. Instead of nagging and blow-ups, try chats and jokes.
3. Set boundaries.
Be clear about what matters and stick to them. Should your tastes or preferences change over time, communicate these changes clearly to everyone you share living space with. If you don’t speak up, don’t expect them to clean up!
4. Divide tasks or chores and set goals.
When you have reached a new balance in your home and your housemates are sticking to the plan, celebrate the end of hostilities by doing something fun. (In our house its as simple as ordering take-out and wasting way too much time swiping through YouTube shorts while we wolf down slices of pizza and look for something to watch, before giving up and going to bed.)
The peace is worth the process!
Life is already stressful enough. Make your home a haven of peace by being flexible, adapting to your housemates and being thankful that the era of imminent nuclear annihilation is over. Even if this means sacrificing the cabinet that used to house your gogo’s tea set and now living with drills and jigsaws in the in the dining room. At least the doors still close, so I don’t have to see them anymore.
